Millennials...this one's for you(us). And for all you non-millennials out there; don't allow your seniority to judge us too harshly please, we didn't choose to be birthed into the largest, most confusing, polarizing, technologically dominated generation in recent memory. As millennials, we're more susceptible to relationship woes as we're all steadily changing and growing at the fastest rate of our lives. We're all aboard a bullet train with no conductor present and no instruction manual in sight. Mind the dust.
Ahh...situationships. A term made popular by one of Hip Hop's greatest, Fabolous, and a song I highly recommend you listen to. A situationship is an extended amount of time two people invest in each other with no defined outcome.A ship with no sail. A maze with no end. A race with...hell y'all smart(you must be if you're reading this blog) so y'all get it. Now let me place further emphasis on "an extended amount of time" so I can properly contrast that with the talking stage. You have to be all the way loco to expect any man or woman to drop everything and commit to your request of lifelong companionship from the jump. We're all looking for someone to grow old and die with, every one of us, consciously or not, that's just how we're programmed. Knowing this we go through various trial runs with potential candidates to see how many i's they can dot and t's they can cross on our mental checklist. Some of us settle(bad)...some get it right(good)....and the rest....well the rest are just stuck(yikes). And that my friend is what this blog post is all about. We're not here to promote the idea of a committed relationship or the single life. We've simply gathered here today to help free those out there who are indeed stuck and discuss the dangers of falling into the proverbial quicksand we call situationships.
Honesty is confusion's biggest nightmare in a world where intentions are everything. So how can we unhex ourselves from this dilemma that plagues our generation so and avoid being a victim at the same time? I Just told you, honesty. Be honest. Define what you want. Be clear. Lay it out. Communicate. They're not down? On to the next one. Why is this simple advice so hard to follow? I believe that deserves a two-folded answer.
See firstly, being transparent grants freedom but transparency makes one vulnerable. No human wants to be vulnerable, it's in our DNA to not only protect our bodies but our heart as well and thus we become guarded. "I like you, I think about you all the time and I want to hopefully be yours one day". Can't get more clear than that right? Right, but let's review the play. This statement has forced your hand, for this moment in time your chips(and only your chips) are on the table, you let honesty win but in turn you've also just made yourself what? Yeah see there ya go, you're learning. Good. To escape this feeling of vulnerability we guard our words and water down our feelings. Secondly, a lot of us suffer from the infamous people pleasing syndrome. We say whatever to keep the other person happy so we can ultimately get what we want. "I enjoy hanging out with you, the sex, the late night convos, the dinner dates, but I don't see us going much further than that". Can't get more clear than that right? Right. But again, let's review the play. This statement goes against every people pleasing bone in our body. Letting someone know they're basically only good for a good time and a good time, however honest, is a direct attack to that person's self-worth. That's definitely the fastest route to not getting what you want. So what do we do? Tell them what they want to hear. That way we continue getting what we want while keeping the other person "happy". Quicksand folks...quicksand.
Honest hearts produce honest results. Don't let desperation determine your decisions. Don't let fear determine your fate. After all, honesty is the highest form of intimacy. If you're not ready for that then hit the bench, you're making the rest of us look bad, thanks.
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